Spoilers ahead for “Leaving Mom.”
As the main character struggled with the idea of leaving behind his mom in “Leaving Mom,” I grappled with the fact that the $17.18 I spent on the movie ticket has also left my bank account and will never return.
“Leaving Mom” (“Mang Mẹ Đi Bỏ”) revolves around Hoan (Tuấn Trần), a poor, roadside barber who is struggling to take care of his aging mom, Lê Thị Hanh (Hồng Đào), as late-stage Alzheimer’s takes over her life. As he grapples with his own declining health and bouts of epilepsy, Hoan dwells on the idea of going to Korea and leaving her in the care of his half-brother, Jinhwan (Jung Il-woo) — the only son his mom remembers.
The film’s Vietnamese title was originally what caught my eye. “Mang Mẹ Đi Bỏ” is close to a phrase I tell my own mom a lot: “mang mẹ đi bộ.” A small change in one accent mark alters an “oh” sound to a deep “auh sound,” transforming the phrase from one of familiarity and tenderness to a cold, unknown sentence, rarely ever spoken in Vietnamese; the translation changes from “bring mom on a walk” to “bring mom away.” Ultimately, both phrases play a pivotal role in the movie’s plot.
Unfortunately, the interesting wordplay on the title is one of the few redeeming factors for this film.
Between problematic depictions of Alzheimer’s and mental health alongside poor explorations of intergenerational trauma and family dynamics, “Leaving Mom” fails to be the profound family drama that it sought to be.
Hanh’s Alzheimer’s turns her into a problematic, childlike caricature. The majority of her scenes turn her into the butt of the joke. In one instance, her struggles to defecate alone were warped into a tasteless bit — in this case, a fart joke. Her struggles with Alzheimer’s are depicted as humorous and nonsensical, making her character especially uncomfortable to watch.
Additionally, other particularly problematic and troublesome scenes revolve around slapstick depictions of suicidal ideation and attempts. These moments were disappointing because they could’ve been an insightful portrait of the trauma that stems from the loss of a child.
To call it a melodrama is a misnomer. Rather, “Leaving Mom” is an awkward attempt at a dramedy that inserts comedic bits at the worst possible time.
That’s not to say that “Leaving Mom” doesn’t have its moments.
Cinematographer Kim Dae-sung stands out with a few interesting shots. In one overhead shot that stood out, the camera pans from several trash bins before we see Hoan lying in his cart, seated next to the trash. Without any dialogue, the audience is still able to understand how Hoan feels in that moment: struggling with his inability to provide adequate care for his mom.
Additionally, the actors’ performances are also quite decent. Trần plays Hoan, whose life revolves around being a caretaker for his mom. He’s a single, unemployed 29-year-old who struggles to find any time for himself and finds himself trapped and, at times, resentful of his position as caretaker. Trần does a good job with what he was given and depicts Hoan’s inner turmoil as a caretaker quite well.
At one point, Hoan attempts to abandon his mom in hopes of surrendering her to the state. He leaves her with a drink and a bag of snacks before running away as fast as he can. After a few hours working, he runs into his mother again and realizes that she was waiting for him the whole time. Although Hanh doesn’t know that he’s her son, he is still the only person she knows. Her drink and snacks remain unopened as she rushes to Hoan upon seeing him, asking for assistance. He subsequently breaks down as Hanh innocently looks up at him, wondering why he’s crying.
From the glazed-over look in Hoan’s eyes to the quiver of his voice, Trần’s acting is heartbreakingly devastating.
Hoan also has a quirky cast of friends who help him along the way in his journey of learning how to let his mom go while simultaneously finding his older brother. None of the actors particularly stand out, but the writing for these scenes helps these moments shine. They’re all good additions that show how it takes a village to be a caretaker. While the scenes with them are all short, they’re heartwarming and show the beauty of platonic love.
My main gripe with “Leaving Mom” lies in Đào’s character, Hanh, also often referred to as mẹ Hanh (mama Hanh). My critique isn’t with Đào’s acting, but rather the character she was given. Hanh is a horrid and borderline offensive misrepresentation of what late-stage Alzheimer’s looks like.
Hanh often acts very childish; she swallows her toothpaste and yells mindlessly. She is often erratic, and at one point, she smears her feces on the wall to create a drawing of her with her two sons. She can only be lured into submission after a tantrum by sweet desserts and snacks.
Certain moments throughout the film triggered her brain to miraculously make her completely lucid, as if she never even had Alzheimer’s. How convenient, right? This is not the reality for Alzheimer’s patients. Paradoxical and terminal lucidity is a phenomenon that occurs in real-life Alzheimer’s patients. However, it doesn’t work like an on-and-off switch that can be activated. If this is a film that wants to be taken seriously, it should have taken Alzheimer’s more seriously.
Beyond the characters, the ending might have been one of the worst parts of this film.
The ending heavily relies on the idea of “hạnh phúc” which directly translates to “happiness” in Vietnamese. Contextually, “hạnh phúc” is a concept that goes beyond simple joy and rather, it’s about the deep happiness that comes from contentment and stability.
After seeing Jinhwan in Korea, who is seemingly filled with hạnh phúc with a happy family, Hoan decides to ultimately bring Hanh back to Vietnam because at least one person in his family should have hạnh phúc.
The ending scene is a sequence of Hoan and Hanh supposedly making happy memories together back in Vietnam. Hoan has Hanh remain by his side through everything, whether it’s during his hours as a roadside barber or if it’s a simple walk and bike ride around town. For them, this is their supposed hạnh phúc.
It is a seemingly happy ending. Except it’s not. It shouldn’t be a happy ending at all.
Out of a duration of two hours and five minutes, we spent two hours watching how hard life is for Hoan and Hanh despite Hoan’s attempts to work and fight for his family. We spend all this time understanding, learning and seeing how they’re not happy.
Then all of a sudden, in the last five minutes, their lives do a complete 180, filled with smiles and laughter. The film tries to convince the audience that all is well as an upbeat acoustic guitar instrumental is played over the ending scene of the mom-and-son duo cycling along a scenic beach. It is a rushed happily ever after where all of their issues and trauma have magically dissipated — except they haven’t.
There’s a post-credit scene where we see Jinhwan, who discovers that Hoan and Hanh stopped by in Korea. He runs away in tears, and we’re left with the assumption that he’s going to attempt to find them. Even this scene shows that Jinhwan still struggles with hạnh phúc.
Some can argue that “Leaving Mom” showcases the beauty of the struggle. I argue that it’s bad writing and mindless positivity.
As a Vietnamese American woman, I really wanted to enjoy “Leaving Mom.” Not only is the film a rare instance of Vietnamese representation in North American theaters, but it’s also an attempt to cover a topic that everyone can relate to: learning how to leave your parents.
Unfortunately, the film fails to deliver on any meaningful commentary or analysis. Between the gross parody of an Alzheimer’s patient and a nonsensical ending filled with superficial happiness, “Leaving Mom” fails to deliver its story on complex family trauma.
5/10 — while Hoan didn’t leave his mom, you can still leave the movie theater.