“Jim Murray-esque” is a column by Sean Campbell that highlights all facets of USC Athletics in the style of former Los Angeles Times columnist Jim Murray.
On Friday, the Daily Trojan throttled the Daily Bruin, in their annual two-hand-touch football match called the Blood Bowl.
Your favorite Jim Murray impersonator broke up a couple of passes from the admittedly rag-tag UCLA representatives in my one drive on defense. As someone who made a very minimal impact on the game, I had plenty of time to sit on the bench and watch, and I would argue the reported 4-1 final score was a bit generous for the bad guys.
If I recall correctly, the first three plays were pick-sixes for DT, and I can count at least three other scores, but a win is a win.
Traditionally, the school that takes the Blood Bowl loses the Victory Bell when the real athletes take the field in the historic rivalry’s football matchups. While the Trojans certainly didn’t put the Bruins away when they faced off at the Rose Bowl Stadium on Saturday, they did just enough to beat the Blue and Gold and secure bowl eligibility.
With the win, the Trojans now hold a 6-5 overall record, 4-5 in Big Ten play and a 51-34-7 advantage in all-time meetings with the Bruins.
At the start of the season, a betting man might’ve given the Daily Bruin higher odds to beat the USC football team than the real UCLA. This wasn’t supposed to be the down-to-the-wire shootout of last season.
To be fair, it definitely wasn’t that, but it was not the blow out many expected either. It was a real ugly game of football and, for most of it, I had a completely different column written.
When I wrote about football in late October, I compared the Trojans’ withering hopes to Rocky and predicted they would come storming back. On paper, a 3-1 record since then and a bowl game berth sounds pretty good but man, it seems like this team is trying to find ways to lose football games.
In boxing, the only sure thing is when your opponent is on the floor and knocked out cold. You could’ve landed every punch and had the other guy on the ropes begging for air in every round, but all it takes is one punch to turn the tables.
That’s to say, if you don’t finish the job, the job is, well, not finished.
The same principle applies to every other sport. Jack Nicklaus never shanked his 1-iron on purpose to go into 18 tied, Mariano Rivera never tried to give up a home run to make his save look exciting and an old USC or UCLA team wouldn’t give away a single opportunity to crush the other.
On Saturday, however, it appeared as though the teams were trying to find a way to tie — something that has happened an astonishing seven times in 94 games between the crosstown rivals.
In a tight game like this Crosstown Showdown, the team that gets the ball last wins a lot of the time. Pressure breeds diamonds, they say, but out of the same element, it can also make pencil graphite.
Three times in the first half, USC settled for field goals — twice within 10 yards of a six-pointer. UCLA’s lone first-half score was also a drive stopped deep in the red zone.
It was almost as if both offenses forgot the result of the game would all but decide which team made a bowl and which didn’t. The only difference is, the Bruins had no reason to think they would sniff a bowl, let alone the Victory Bell in August. A win for the Trojans, however, guaranteed them a 6-6 finish at worst, sprinkling a bit of seasoning on their season that had been burnt to a crisp.
As both teams struggled to find a voice, the USC Marching Band, despite being placed in the back right corner of the highest section at the Rose Bowl, blasted over any Bruin retorts, battling a crowd full of Blue and Gold.
After UCLA closed the half with three unsportsmanlike conduct penalties and were forced to kick off from their own five-yard line, it felt like the Bruins had finally thrown themselves in front of our proverbial fighter and said “knock me out, please, I’m ready to end this season and go home”.
Instead, USC gave life back to the home team. Then UCLA did the same. At least we knew this fight wouldn’t end with one boxer dead — though that wasn’t for lack of trying from redshirt sophomore quarterback Jayden Maiava.
Maiava is the definition of a run-and-gun quarterback and although rushing for negative yards doesn’t exactly scream “dual threat”, he showed flashes of deep-game prowess. Yet, whenever the Trojans got close, it was a hard-nosed run that fell short, two fades to the endzone and a field goal.
But, at the end of the day, the gritty Maiava did enough and the Trojans are going to a bowl and UCLA will not. Now, that might not be the Rose Bowl — which, for the record, USC has seen the most of anyone in college football — but a bowl nonetheless. No Gasparilla Bowl discrimination on my watch.
USC may not play at the Rose Bowl every other week, but Trojan nation is just as tied to the iconic stadium. By my observation, that isn’t the only thing our crosstown rivals attempt to “share” with USC.
The Bruins ran out to the iconic opening of “Still D.R.E.” sung by Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg.
For one, Dre founded USC’s Iovine and Young Academy. For another, Snoop visited a USC business class last week. In my humble opinion, UCLA should S.T.A.Y. in its own lane.
“Jim Murray-esque” runs every Thursday.