Hookup culture is in and commitment is out for many college students this Valentine’s Day, but what about those in long-distance relationships? Do they express their love in an old-school fashion? Looking through the lens of the five love languages: words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, quality time and physical touch, there are many different ways you can still show love for your partner, even with a physical barrier.
Words of Affirmation
Many couples find that words of affirmation are an essential way to express their love to their partner in a long-distance relationship, as it can be done in various ways. Elysa Hernandez, a freshman at USC, said that her boyfriend and her have “been adapting to words of affirmation” as their new love language while being long-distance. She describes communication as extremely important and said that they always give “each other updates and make time to call at least once a day.”
For my girlfriend and me, a gift that includes words of affirmation is sending a Venmo payment with a sweet message. The money could go towards a Valentine’s Day Facetime dinner date, sweet treat or delicious beverage for her to sip on throughout the day. While Venmo payments are our modern way of showing that we are still head over heels for each other, as opposed to sending a handwritten card with cash in the mail, other college students opt for taking the old-school postal route to profess their affections.
Gifts
Ah, Valentine’s Day, the commodification of love. Do couples take the cheesy direction or the thoughtful approach? Many couples that I spoke with find that a little bit of both makes the perfect Valentine’s Day gift. Some people find that cliches such as teddy bears, chocolates, and heart necklaces truly depend on the person but oftentimes make a charming gift.
Some students turn away from these clichés and have found more unique alternatives. Lego flowers compared to live flowers are becoming increasingly popular, but many students have mixed thoughts on which is a better gift to give and receive. While some of my peers find that handcrafted origami flowers serve as an exemplary display of devotion, one student questioned what defines a gift as being ‘thoughtful.’
Dean Woods, a freshman at USC studying computer science and applied and computational mathematics, pointed out that “it’s more work, so it depends if that equals being more thoughtful,” but also vocalized that he feels “real flowers are nicer.”
Sylvie Bass, a freshman studying psychological and brain sciences at UCSB, shared that she believes it is more thoughtful as she “had a friend that made one thousand paper cranes for her boyfriend” and was thoroughly impressed.
This may seem like a very high bar to reach when thinking about gifts for your partner, however, any gift that will mean something to your partner will be perfectly thoughtful.
Acts of Service
While many couples can find it challenging to perform acts of service while not being in the same physical space, several couples have managed to, despite all odds.
Michelle Abruzzese, a freshman studying biology at Clark University, says that making a playlist serves as a vessel of her love for her partner. A playlist of lovey-dovey songs that remind you of your partner is the perfect expression of love, especially if actions speak louder than words for your sweetheart.
For all long-distance couples, virtual date nights are essential for maintaining that closeness while being so far apart. Jennah Al-Hachem, a freshman studying biomedical engineering at Tulane, and her boyfriend, Sky Bates, who attends CU Boulder and is studying molecular biology and business, have found that virtual date nights, specifically virtual escape rooms, are very special for them. Taking the time to plan a fun date night, despite being virtual, for your partner is the perfect above-and-beyond act that could make this year’s Valentine’s Day extra special.
Quality Time
The overall consensus of the couples I spoke to, despite those who are able to see each other in the near future, is that FaceTime or Zoom is the plan for Valentine’s Day. Gaby Malk, a student at UCSB, said that “virtual dates” are how she connects with her long-distance boyfriend.
Bella Wagner, who goes to UCSB, and her boyfriend Elijah Sasevich, who attends the University of Utah, plan to call and play a video game together. Wagner explained that despite not having the physical touch aspect, they both “really appreciate time together.” No matter the form in which the quality time takes place, whether it’s playing games, watching shows or talking on the phone, they manage to feel closeness with each other.
Gabe Berger, a student at UCSB, and his girlfriend Sofia Roberts, a student at Arizona State University, sent packages to each other so that on Valentine’s Day, they could open the gifts they sent over FaceTime. Whether it be a video call for dinner, a simple chat about their day, a gaming session or a gift exchange over the phone, these couples can still cherish their time together, even if it is not in person.
Physical Touch
Physical touch is, quite obviously, the most challenging love language to express in a long-distance relationship, according to many couples I spoke to for this story. Hannah Nightingale said that she and her partner, Austin Kingston, “are very physically affectionate people” and that they are not able to express that affection for one another when they are almost 3,000 miles apart. Nightingale said that in its place, they have dinner together and send each other letters to help soothe that longing for each other.
My girlfriend and I found that plush toys are the solution to all issues related to physical touch. I got us two cat plushies, a pink one for me and a green one for her. Whenever one of us is sad or needs a hug, we tell each other to grab the stuffed animal and give it a squeeze. Despite the cuddly toy not quite comparing to the paradise that is receiving a warm embrace from the person you love most, it truly does come pretty close. If cat stuffies are not your speed, a blanket could also suffice.
While declarations of infatuation when it comes to gifts and love languages truly do depend on the couple (and each person specifically), each of the couple’s stories show that distance truly does not make the day any less special.
Sylvie Bass said that “every day with my partner is a holiday,” and through recognizing that, any person in a long-distance relationship can celebrate Valentine’s Day with the most incredible tenderness.