Torn between my two countries: Nationalism on the field

Hundreds of cars are parked in the Rose Bowl parking lots creating makeshift party areas. The sun scorched down on soccer fanatics this past Saturday, but that didn’t stop them from bringing ice coolers and grills to ramp up for a partido amistoso, a friendly match between Perú and México.

Both countries reign over the culinary scene in Latin America; The rich, decadent scent of dozens of parrilladas permeates throughout the lawn. Each family brings their own sazón. Is that carne asada or anticuchos? Probably both.

Fans of la selección Mexicana don their jerseys, dance to banda, and belt out “Viva México!” every few minutes. In a predominantly Mexican community like Los Angeles, it’s no surprise that verde, blanco y rojo are the colors you see the most on gameday. This may be a friendly game, but México is preparing for the ever-looming World Cup in November. This game is where they test their strategies and defense. Perú has a new coach, Juan Reynoso and this match can prove that they’re still a team to watch.

Perú's community in Los Angeles is comparatively smaller in numbers, but they are repping hard, with countless Lapadula jerseys, Inca Kolas in hand and an undying optimism. After a tough loss during the repechaje against Australia in June, disqualifying them from the World Cup, Peruvian fans are excited to show their intense loyalty even for a friendly game. The energy shifts near the gate A entrance as Peruvians belt out a guttural chant, “Blanquirroja no le falles a tu hinchada. Poco a poco volveremos al mundial.” Little by little, Perú will make it back to the World Cup. For Peruvians, every soccer match is a chance for redemption.

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The crowd is filled with gleeful energy and excitement, but as I make my way into the stadium, my stomach tightens and my palms sweat. Each team gears up to play each other. Los himnos nacionales are sung and as a Peruvian-Mexican, what does national identity look like when you proudly represent two countries?

Nationalism can be a dangerous display of paternalism and patriarchy, but during soccer games it’s on full display and celebrated. Nobody dares to criticize la madre patria. Everyone is rooting for their respective country and to fit in –you declare your loyalty to your team by defending them until the end. When you grow up in a bicultural household like I did, your family pits your other identity against you, especially during soccer matches. It’s pretty rare that Perú and México play each other, but over the years, I’ve had to prove my loyalty by picking only one.

So when my family, friends, and partner ask, “A quién le vas?” My answer is usually “El que gane.” I’ll be happy with whoever wins.

But at the 85-minute mark, México scores the only goal of the game and I let out a visceral groan that surprises me. Truthfully, I am always secretly rooting for Perú to win. The underdog team. Even within the Latinx diaspora, Perú is often overlooked or ignored. I feel an obligation to lead with that identity first to remind others that we’re here too.

As Latinos en el extranjero, I understand the displays of nationalism during Independence Day celebrations and soccer games. It’s a portal to our home countries. It evokes a sense of belonging and identity in a country that still sees us as foreign.

In July 2022, Peruvian Mexican soccer player, Santiago Ormeño was signed to Guadalajara’s Chivas team, a historically all-Mexican team. This led to an outrage from Chivas aficionados. Ormeño also plays for Perú's International team, so when Ormeño sang Perú's national anthem during Saturday’s game, diehard Chivas fans also criticized him for that. Ormeño handles the criticism gracefully and says, “Soy Peruano en México y Mexicano en Perú.”

Nationalism isn’t meant to foster nuanced conversations about identity. It plays a large role in identity formation, but it falls short for people like me that are searching for belonging in both cultures. Asking me to quantify my identity into halves is to not see me fully.